I’m really just going in a down hill spiral, I haven’t been completely sober in days. I don’t think I want to be either. I don’t want to think about missing him, loving him, or his future life with her. It’s not just cuz I want him. I mean I do. But you can see it in his eyes that he isn’t happy with her. It’s not something he wants for a long time. He almost looks… Sad and afraid.. I wish he’d talk to me about the things he felt. He’s my best friend, but I’m just a close friend to him I guess. But he’s never really been one to share his feelings. So I don’t really even know. But anyways… I hate acting like I’m okay, like they don’t bother me, like it doesn’t hurt… Cuz it does.. Very bad. And I can no longer control myself.. I just get high and drink all the time so I don’t have to feel anything..